SORROW

Yes, you hang out with them, but they are all in mini-groups, by 2, or 3…..They have FRIENDS, not friends just like people with whom you laugh, no.

Friends, meaning  they all have special relationships, and despite the fact that they « accept » you, you know deep down inside that you are still alone.

People would not understand you, maybe they can’t or maybe they just don’t want to make the effort of being understanding….

So, alone, you look at them, you try to give a good impression of yourself, you try to look like what they want you to be, actually what you think they want you to be.

You smile, you answer to questions, you try to reassure them about your silence, you say you are okay, but you know you are lying…..

WHY?? One would wonder…

Just because you KNOW they won’t understand, nor sympathize.

Some would claim they do, but for sure, you know they would not accept you.

You have a complex personality: that’s the truth about you.

And people detest complexity: that’s the truth about THEM

They may find you too much complicated for them, or too much annoying, or boring

Or just TOO MUCH……

They can’t handle you.

Where everybody finds happiness, you find something else, more complex.

Where everybody says « yes », you say « no » or « perhaps ».

Some, or the majority may think you are just cranky, offbeat, eccentric, or even pretentious. But only you know that you can do nothing about it, you can’t help it, you can not change it, because it’s all you, it is who you truly are.

No matter what you do, sorrow  IS in you. Sorrow is you. And, as masochistic as it sounds,  the truth is, it actually  looks as if you even enjoy it, even just a little bit. The suffering, the pain, the degradation, the constant complains: you can’t help yourself. You need  to feel that pain, because this is the only way you can feel anything, this is your only way of feeling, the only way you know…

It haunts you, and you can do nothing about it.

Nothing.

Nothing at all…..

So, exhausted, and worn out, you just let the pain get its way in, penetrate you….as it wants.

So you hide yourself behind this face you show everyone. Poker face on, on you go to the world.

Sometimes, you claim you love yourself,

Other times you claim you hate love.

You claim you don’t like people,

You shout from the rooftops to everybody who wants to listen that you don’t give a damn about anything. When in fact, it is a shout of pain.

But stupid they are, they believe what you say…..

And you feel like no one really gets you, most of them do not even try.

But if you tell that to them, they will think you are being too much judgemental, or bloody annoying.

But in the end, the only thing you are really asking for is just a little understanding. Is it too much to ask? Especially when you on the other hand offer it to them unconditionally?

So why can’t they just return the favor?