How did I get here?

Today is a bad day, actually it is one of the long list of bad days that I have been having recently. Despite the fact that I have and am still trying my hardest to find positivity in here, I do not find it. I obviously thought about going to see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist, but financially it is kind of tight. Not to mention that I would have to look very long and hard or be lucky enough to find one with whom I « click » right away, otherwise it would be a waste of my time and money (that I do not have).

So I thought about talking to a friend. Funny enough I realised I did not have one. No one kind, caring, non-judjemental and understanding enough to help me.

Family members? None that could really help.

So I realise that after a quarter of a century on this earth, I can not find one single friend/family member that I trust to be caring and empathetic enough  to go to. But I do know that I have been that friend/family member towards others in my life. And if hey needed me, I would still be there.

 

So, as my life is doomed, as there is no other hope, no other way to turn to, no future, I wonder. I wonder how did I get here? How did my life turn this way? Was it always so….like THIS being me? Or did I just started noticing?

How in the hell did I get here? I WANT OUT